Anime Wesker

Just checking in...

I really don't have much going on these days.  It's been pretty quiet since the whole Lolita situation and as per usual, the political situation back home is a fucking fiasco.

Big Sigh...

You know...  I'm fairly certain that these spineless Republicans think that by acquitting that self-indulgent sack of rat excrement they "Saved America", but please, you did it because the mantra is "Protect our own at every cost!"  Just fucking say it!  I can put it with honesty way more than the disingenuous fuckery you all keep spouting.  So, I don't ever want to hear about being the party of "Law and Order".  I don't want to hear about "Protecting the Constitution" and I definitely don't EVER again want to hear about "Personal Responsibility" and/ or how "Blue Lives Matter", because it is crystal clear to me that you don't mean any of those platitudes you constantly throw out.  You just care about power and it doesn't matter who or what (up to and including Democracy) so long as that power is retained.  As I have always suspected, but now have completely confirmed, you are completely full of shit!  Fuck them!

Moving on...

Well...  Actually there isn't anything really to move on to, so I guess I'm going to boink off. Until next month.

So... About Yesterday US....

Last year, I held my tongue when it came to politics in my home country. Since the mild popularity boost I got in June, I figured it was safer to keep all opinions of politics to myself/ to those who know me, because my views could be considered extreme. I said I would vote on election day and let it go at that, which is what I did. I was silent, probably when I should not have been. Insidious shit always happens when rational people don't speak out. So the time to be silent is over and while it may not be the safest thing to do, I'm going to publicly put the state of affairs on complete blast and call out everyone who helped stir the pot of this fucked up situation.

So, if you don’t want to hear any of this, which I can't say I blame you, because I shouldn't have to go there, but hey, now is not the time to hush up. It's well past the time to speak out. But if you don’t want to hear this brutal hot take, please feel free to walk away from this entry, because it will be a door.

I'll give you another moment to go...

Are you gone yet???

Ok good.
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Abridged Yule Nog

Honestly I wasn't going to do a "Yule Nog" entry this year ( I think I've missed the last two years, but in fairness, the last two Christmases were a mess, sorta), but I'm having a bit of insomnia, so I figured what the hell. But with that being said (and the fact I'm waiting for my sleepy medicine to kick in) let's make this short and sweet.

1st, this was the 1st Christmas I've had with just me, Jose, and the dog. Ever since we've been officially together, we always have had people with us. It was a little weird being just us, but it was also nice.

We did have a dinner guest, which was cool. Everyone loved the dinner I made, I loved the gifts Jose got me, and he in turn loved what I got him. Overall, the holiday was good.
Anime Wesker

Musings on The Relationship Part 3

I nearly forgot.  I found a blueprint of what I think Wesker's house would look like, except for in the space listed as GMD, would be where his indoor swimming pool would be and the downstairs guest room would be his gym. Try to keep this design in mind when reading any of my stories where Wesker still lives in Arklay County.  Some fun facts about my vision of Wesker's home; Wesker's house at 1470 Madame Curie Lane is the only house in the cul-du-sac.  His nearest neighbors live about a mile away.  The backyard of his house leads to a private nature trail which dead ends at a private lake which he is the sole owner of.
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I also forgot I found something that I thought would resemble the house Wesker found for the Annika and the Vasnev's too.
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Anime Wesker

Musings on The Relationship Part 2

Ok so where was I?  Oh yes, Wesker.

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I think that's it.  As I said last night, I am both happy and sad to see this story end.  I can't remember when I started it...  I think I started it in early 2017 or late 2016, but I didn't post it to until October of last year.  I'm not sure what will be next on the fanfiction horizon.  I have my whole New York City music thing I'll be doing in June, so I won't have a lot of brain capacity to write anything, but you never know.
Anime Wesker

Musings on writing The Relationship (Part 1)

Oh my God...  I think it took a year (possibly 2), but The Relationship is finished!  Well, it took far less time to finish this than it did Love's Sorrow.  Ah well...  No time for reflection for my first magnum opus.  This particular Author's Notes is going to be pretty lengthy, so let's get started.  Oh, later on in the entry, I'll start referring to the stories as WC (Wesker's Conquest) and TR (The Relationship), just a heads up for ya.

Edit: Apparently I've been talking about rewriting Wesker's Conquest since June of 2013!  Well damn!

Edit 2:  Yeah it’s late and I still have to post the finished product to…  So this is going to be a musing done in 2 parts.

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Well, I'm going to stop here for now.  I still have to post the end of the story up on  I wanted to get this up before bedtime.  I'll try to get the rest up tomorrow after I've rested for a bit.  I've actually have been gone all weekend, but I never once stopped thinking about this story.  I was determined to get it completed before I left for NYC and it appears that I have done that very thing!

A random conundrum

Sometimes the strangest things pop in my head when I have the worst headaches.  This is one of those times...  And note to self, I really should take something for this monstrous headache before my brain actually explodes and the remnants ooze out of my ears.

But anyway, gather round children.  It is time for a short Philadelphia story which brings me to today's very random question.

Once upon a time in a pretty awful area of my hometown Philadelphia, there use to be guys who would stand around all day and say, "Hack-a-cab"!  For the uninitiated, a "Hack cab" were the Uber drivers of yester-year.  Decades before apps, smartphones, and Uber/ Lyft/ ect., there were these random dudes who would drive you door-to-door from Broad Street and Olney Ave (I say that location, because that was where I would always see them) to wherever you needed to go.  They generally had a pretty set price and you didn't need to tip them.  The catch 22 of the "Hack cabs" were you never knew what you were going to get, i.e. a safe journey home, robbed, murdered, or trafficked into white slavery (not to make light of such things), but it was a crap shoot is what I'm saying.

I took my chances on a "Hack cab" once.  I think it was in February and I brought home a cake for my mom's birthday and since I didn't drive at that time, I had to take the Orange Line to Broad and Olney then the 18 bus home.  Well that Saturday the 18 stop was swamped and I was hoping most people were waiting for the 26 I think it was, but no, everyone was trying to crowd onto the 18.  Well, I had a cake to protect, so I said a soft prayer and opted to take the "Hack cab" guy back to my parents house.  Both me and the cake made it safely, but I was freaked out about getting into a car with a complete stranger and leading him to my parents house...  It was a pretty dicey proposition, especially when you factor in no smart phones (I think I had a cell phone at that point in time) or a way to track the driver should anything happen.

So with that being said, I wonder if the "Hack cab" guys still exist in a modern world where people have Uber and the like?  I'll be going to Philadelphia in late April, so I'll have a chance to find out myself, but I'm not sure if I can handle being on Broad and Olney to find the answer, but I do wonder if they're still there and still shouting, "Hack-a-cab"!?

Pretty much half way down a deranged rabbit hole!

Today was a typical July day.  I was dicking around watching one of the people I'm subscribed to, Joe Santagato talking about books you had to read.  The books were all pretty weird books, something about lesbian equestrian stories or something like that, baby's first boob job was another odd one, then the book of, and I quote, "things you shouldn't masturbate to".  But by far the strangest of them all was, and I swear I'm not making this up, "Domald Tromp Pounded In The Butt By The Handsome Russian T-Rex Who Also Peed On His Butt And Then Blackmailed Him With The Videos Of His Butt Getting  Peed On".

Yes, this is the title of ONE book.  And this one book is written by Chuck Tingle...  Oh my fault, Dr. Chuck Tingle.

Oh Dr. Tingle...  Whatever shall we do with you?

So upon hearing this long ass title, I literally fell down laughing and had tears streaming from my eyes.  It took me awhile to get my life together, because Joe Santagato read a few more book titles and each one had me in tears dying.  But it goes far beyond "Living  Inside My Own Butt For Eight Years, Starting A Business And Turning A  Profit Through Common Sense Reinvestment And Strategic Targeted  Marketing" (again another real long ass title- also one that was mentioned by Santagato), there are other gems he didn't mention like, "Dinosaur Magicians Pinn And Tucker Make Their Wieners Disappear In My Butt", "Slammed In The Butt By The Prehistoric Megalodon Shark Amid Accusations Of Jumping Over Him", "Slammed By My Handsome Fidget Spinner", and lastly, "Slammed Up The Butt By My Hot Coffee Boss".

Okay the reason why I didn't post a link to the last one is because they had an excerpt and it is completely off the rails!

What is happening?!   I'm asking rather seriously, what the fuck is happening?!

Ok, I can see being tall, but for openers it's wearing a tie?  Where the fuck did a mug of sentient coffee go to buy a tie for itself?  Who was the store clerk behind this sale?!  Where and how did it get the money?!  And where did he find a tie that would fit it?!  Then how does the guy know the coffee is a guy?  "Sporting a large muscular handle"?  Is it because of the handle, because that doesn't really necessarily mean it's a male mug of coffee.  And isn't anyone concerned about third degree burns?  I mean it clearly says he is "a massive piping-hot cup of coffee".  What happens when the "passion" boils over, someone is going to get hurt and that someone would be the human.  And speaking of which, how does one have sexual relations with a six-and-a-half-foot cup of piping hot coffee?  I can't imagine how that could possibly work.  I would see the coffee being a serial killer than a sex partner.  I think that would make a more compelling story.

But yeah...  I may have to buy and read at least one of these deranged tales of either inner-species or inanimate object sexual relationships. But I think there's something profoundly wrong and weird about these stories, but since I'm half way down this insane rabbit hole, I may as well complete my terrifying decent.


Well, that escalated my ire rather quickly!

So yeah, I'm going to piss off an entire generation of people in a bit, and again I'm not going to hide behind, "Oh it's my LJ I can say what I want" or "this is just my opinion" because that's a given. I'm saying this because I think it's important for the group of people who followed my tiny micro-generation to get a clearer picture than what they have currently. With that let the pissing off commence!

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Oh my fucking God...! Wow!

Ok, where to begin on this subject?

Well, let's start with this... I'm not on of those people who run around blaming millennials for everything wrong in this country. Honestly, if they're a mess, it's because they were allowed to be that way by the adults who raised them.

They were repeatedly coddled/ over-protected both physically and mentally since birth. Overly padded play spaces, toys that if they caused a minor scratch was immediately taken off the market. And let us not forget the phenomenon of "everybody gets a trophy!", because we can't have children sad that they didn't get an award. We can't have children feeling left out or excluded. Then to add insult to injury they were handed all this technology and stripped of the ability to imagine.

They are a mess by design. The product of the "Me Generation" having spoiled, overindulged, and overly coddled, emotionally stunted children. So when those kids come of age is it any wonder they are grossly ill-prepared for the cruelties and disillusionment of adulthood?

Also, it doesn't help that their game is harder to play then the generations before them. Lack of viable and/ or stable employment. If you are fortunate enough to land a position, you don't have or have limited benefits, and in a lot of cases you don't earn a salary that can support an independent lifestyle. Add to this mix crushing student debt, and an inability to cope... It makes a recipe for disaster.

In a lot of ways I feel bad for the millennial generation. They get a lot of shit for stuff that's not necessarily their fault. And they don't get credit for coming up the all the creative ways they are inventing to stay productive and happy.

With all that being said, let's get into the flipside of this and dive deep into the whole "it's parents job to take care of their children for life". Short answer no, it's not.

Legally parental obligations end at 18 years of age (or once someone graduates from high school). Having children isn't a lifelong binding contract to care for that child until death. I mean unless that child has some form of serious disability and they need someone else to care for their needs because they are physically incapable of doing it themselves. But, if you are an adult capable of caring for yourself, then again short answer is no.

But instead of just saying no, here's the reason why the short answer is no. Your parents are going to die someday, may not be soon, but it will happen. If you can't get your shit together enough to be somewhat independent, you're not going to survive long once they do go.

Here's the thing a lot of people don't get about being a parent. Your parents are supposed to prepare you for adulthood. They are supposed to give you all the tools you need to survive without them, in the event that you'll have to do that sooner or later. It's been that way for a long time, batons get passed down and people keep it moving.

However, this weird idea that, "it's your fault I exist so you should take care of me until you die" is fucking ridiculous! I lived at home until I was 33. I worked, paid for my own cellphone, internet, clothes, entertainment, food, and transpass (I didn't drive in those days). Oh I also would cook, clean, do my own laundry, and occasionally shoveled the driveway for my parents. I didn't pay rent because I did a lot of stuff on my own and I didn't cause them vexation. I also contributed to the running of my parents house in little ways. I didn't work, spend my money on myself and expect them to do all that other stuff for me.

It's not your parents duty to be your cooking and cleaning service until they die. If you are going to live with them the very least you can do is be respectful of their home, the home you grew up in. I'm fairly certain they didn't expect you would be living with them until you were in your 40's. They probably expected you to be out by at least 30 or so. Imagine how they are feeling or the awkward position they are in and stop thinking about yourself and how boo-fucking-hoo, I was born, grew up, and now I have to be responsible, but I wasn't asked, or consulted, or even consented to becoming a responsible adult! Oh the fucking indignity of it all!

That kind of selfish scapegoating thinking pisses me off so much. You only care about yourself and lord forbid you actually took responsibility for your actions (or lack thereof) and failures. Yes the job market is nearly impossible, yes your game is fixed, yes the amount of debt you're in is staggering, but you shouldn't be making your parents shoulder all the blame for it! They're doing the best they can with the raw deal (the raw deal being these ungrateful twats) they were given. The least you can do if you're still living at home is not annoy your parents with selfish entitled bullshit like this!

Also think of the millions of 18 year olds who, either on their 18th birthday or the day they graduated from high school were immediately given the boot by their parents. They had to forge their own way with no financial or moral support, but the ones who live at home and get testy about having to fork over money or help out around the house whine, complain, and carry on like the petulant assholes they are. Give me a fucking break!

You wanna live like a slob then get your own place. If you can't afford it, find a communal space you can rent so you can live by your own rules. Yeah your parents had you and yeah you didn't ask to exist, but your bitch ass is here now, and at some point, like it or not you have to be responsible for your own shit!

I hate nightmares...

I'm sure no one likes having a nightmare, really. Although there probably is some screwball out there who loves having nightmares and wakes up refreshed after having one, but that's not me. Especially considering my nightmares are freakish.

So this particular bad dream was a zombie one. For those of you who really know me, know that I love horror games, but for all my affection for the genre, zombies freak me out something terrible. As a matter of fact, those are usually the most frightening kind of nightmares and at the end (or the point when I wake up in a panic) usually happens when I die in the dream. This nightmare was no exception to that rule either.
The only interesting twist about this bad dream was I was the zombie this time; well, sorta, but let me explain.

I don't remember the beginning of the dream, just towards the end. It took place in a post-apocalyptic world. Most (if not all) people on the surface of the earth were zombies. We ate animals, animals that were seriously deformed, but they were animals, we didn't eat people. The earth was extremely polluted but being undead we could survive the pollution and pretty much we were happy.

However, we find out that the "real" humans lived underground in massive underground cities and were using the zombie people as food. It turns out that the surface people weren't undead zombies, but cattle for the underground humans and the "zombie people" were either genetically manipulated or some kind of way made to believe we were undead monsters so we would be accepting of our fate to be used as cattle. There was also something about our ability to argue or fight was removed so we would just passively accept being food. At the very end I was next to be eaten by the underground humans and true to form, I just accepted being eaten alive. Mercifully, I wasn't eaten alive but put in a machine and everything went dark before I was eaten and that was when I woke up.

What an appalling dream! An appalling dream that I want to try to break down.

I know zombie dreams occur when I'm at the height of anxious and stressed out. They usually are tied to some nonsense happening at work, but since I'm not working that automatically rules that out.
They can happen when my home life is sketchy too. Jose has been gone for almost a week (which included the weekend); he comes back tomorrow night. School ends Friday and that always brings a certain amount of stress because William will be spending his summer loafing around the house doing absolutely nothing but eating and that drives me crazy. I swear I wish he show just a drop of ambition. His proclivity towards indolence really pisses me off.

Another thing that probably set this nightmare in motion is I may be nervous about going to the opera institute next month. I don't know what to expect and it could be screwing with my head. Tgen to add to all of this, the music program I want to attend next year (the one in Austria) is intensive as hell. I read the calendar of events for that program and it is 6 weeks of singing daily, weekly recitals, performances almost every day, attending classes, and being not just evaluated, but scrutinized intensely... And all while being far away from home.

I would be lying to myself if I said all if that sounds fun. But I worry about it, I worry about it a lot (as evidenced by that horrible nightmare). I know I would probably be fine, but I have become a lot more anxious and fretful since moving to Florida. The old me would never be this wound up several months before I even made an initial inquiry about it! Besides, there is no guarantee they'll ever accept me into the program, I still have to audition. Then figure out where I'm going to get roughly $9000 dollars from... Oh God, talk about putting the cart before the horse. I need to slow my roll and get through this summer before ratcheting up my anxiety to 1000 about next summer.

But I think this is where this nightmare sprung from and my fears and anxieties coming home to roost. There was a lot to unpack in that dream and some of it too seemed like anxiety about forced conformity and maybe being too passive about easily accepting poor treatment, either with myself or others. I don't know. Either way you slice it that dream really sucked and I needed a good night's sleep, but thanks to that shitty nightmare that didn't happen.