aachannoichi (aachannoichi) wrote,

Nearly broke my promise to myself

Remember that promise I made about being anti-emo, well I almost broke that promise to myself today.  I've been really down about the whole work situation.  But this was f-in' hilarious though.  Tuesday, the Nursing office came to do chart review for my office.  Basically they check to see if paperwork is done properly and whatnot.  So at the end Chellie and Diane said that that was the worst audit they had ever had in their lives (Blind people had vision, a hip surgery had a knee wound silly stuff that even I could tell the difference with).  The only thing that was correct was the stuff that I directly deal with.

Ahem...  Ahem...  Ahem...  Ahem...  Ahem...  *Clearing my throat*...

HA!  In Your Face!!!

Okay, now that that's out of my system we can move on to other stuff...

This whole work thing has me down and has me having the most crazy dreams too.  Dreams about my wedding day, dreams about bugs, and last nights mega strange dream about me on la toilet and all these guys walking past me looking really quickly and turning away cause there was this door they exited through to go outside or whatever....  I was trying to cover my eyes so I didn't see them so I could go to the bathroom which didn't work.... I don't know, I don't know it was strange!  But all of these dreams are about fear, anxiety, and a need to communicate my feelings.  Something that probably won't happen until I finally leave this awful job of mine.

Then something else was bothering me today, but it's so stupid that I refuse to talk about it with anyone.  Maureen asked me to talk about it, Diane asked me to talk about it, Angie asked me to talk about it, and Mom asked me to talk about it, but I haven't said anything to anyone.  What I can tell you is its probably a baseless fear about something that isn't my possession to start with.  So if it doesn't belong to me, how can I get upset about having it?  Cryptic I know, but you'll have to deal with it, I'm not telling anyone what that was about.

I'm trying really hard to sort out all my sad feelings.  The job thing I can sorta find some solace in cause the Nursing's chart audit showed that I'm not the problem.  It's everyone else that is and I love it when things work in my favor and that is going to work big time in my favor.  Although I'm sure Joann will try to lay something at my doorstep when she needs to crawl up someone else's ass.  All work related stuff aside, the other reason why I could be feeling so downhearted is because its nearly that time of the month and sometimes around that time I get depressed.  Lousy bastard hormones, I really wish this claptrap would stop, but I kinda knew this day was coming and I think it was designed to test my resolve.  Eh, life will do that to you sometimes...  I think it does it to see if you mean what you say or will it be just another broken promise to yourself.  But I'm working through it the best I can and hopefully I'll be back to my old normal happy-go-lucky self tomorrow.

Oh and friends list, I did something in you guy's name.  I had some flowers sent to my office with a card that says, "Your job may not appreciate you but we do.  Love your livejournal friends list."  Yes it was lame of me to send flowers to myself (I also had some balloons sent to myself to my office too for that double lame experience), but just having that card sitting there saying that will put a big Cheshire Cat grin on my face, especially on Monday, since I have to go in on Monday.  But you guys sent me a really nice bouquet too.  I thank you all so very much for doing that for me.  Ah, so lame, but who cares!  I did it mostly for the card.

I think it's time for bed now.  I'm hoping tomorrow will be a better day.  I'm also hoping tomorrow my fabric will come.  I think the holiday thew my Sy Fabric order off balance.  It should have been here either Wednesday or today.  It will probably come tomorrow cause Mom has the day off which means I'll have to carry 22 yards of material home on the train.

Woo-hoo:  Feeling a little better then I did during work today.  Man being depressed really bites.  And we have to nock that off too!  No emo-drama this year!

Barf:   Nanimonai
Tags: work rant

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