Man I have so many mixed emotions. I feel sad, I feel really scared, and probably once I leave the letter on her desk and wait to hear what she has to say, I'll feel relieved, but I know I can't stay there any longer. Yes things over the last week or so have been good, but I don't want to work like a bug under a microscope forever. Plus I also know that yeah, things right now are good, but they'll be like they were two weeks ago and I can't go through that anymore. I don't want to put up with another one of Joann's petulant tirades or mood swings. I don't feel like dealing with the Medicare or whatever government agency waltzing in and nosing around through records. I'm tired of having restless nights and horrible zombie nightmares. And I'm really tired of giving my all and getting kicked in the stomach for it. Never having a word of encouragement or even the occasional "I know you're doing your best and I thank you for it."
So yes, it's going to be a tough scary road ahead (wah and I'll probably end up having to cancel going to Nekocon, but Usa is on no matter what!), but in the end I know it's the right thing to do. I kinda liken my job to an abusive relationship and I'll give you a prime example. During the week of all the awful stuff that was going on with the blame game, their digging through records, scrutinizing my work, and screaming at me like I was 5 years old, at the end of this on Friday afternoon, Joann decides to buy the office lunch to I guess make up for her screaming at everyone. And when she did that I just thought, isn't that what men do after the beat up their girlfriends and such? Buy them some kind of present to make up for their asinine behavior? And like I said to Kathy, abusive relationships aren't my style... Abusive relationships suck and are for chumps and I won't play the chump anymore. I'm getting out!
So yeah this is it, I'm chucking aside my pride to walk down a different path and we'll see what happens.... Hopefully it won't be the biggest mistake ever. Hopefully things will work out for the best.