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Oh Crapcom, Crapcom, CRAPCOM!

You know what Crapcom?!  Just when I think you can't slide any further down the evolutionary scale, you prove me wrong time and time again.  So on Facebook, I'm following D.C. Douglas, aka the 4th Wesker.  And he posted up an article about how for Resident Evil 7 they're going to maybe bring back Wesker and throw in Milia Jololovich's (or whatever her name is) character, Alice, into it.


What psychotropic crazy pills are you all taking over at Crapcom?!  Those movies are beyond garbage!  Actually calling them garbage is a bit too nice.  I remember going to the movies when I think the 4th movie was out, and I didn't go see it, I got dragged to something else, yet some boys were coming out of the Resident Evil movie looking seriously disgusted and one boy (none of whom looked like they played the game or even knew it was based off a game, but) the one boy said, "Well that was terrible and a waste of time."  Just seeing the looks on their faces was enough to tell me that movie was complete tripe.  Yet Crapcom keeps trying to shoe horn movie aspects into the games.

Grant it, I thought it was cute when you shoe horned in the laser sequence from the first movie into the Resident Evil 4 game.  It actually worked pretty well and seemed fun, for a Quicktime Event.  Then y'all tried to shoe horn in the "Red Queen Computer" bit into Resident Evil Umbrella Chronicles.  That was so labored and completely unnecessary that I can't even talk about it with words that make sense.  Now they're going to shoe horn Alice into it.

My guess is that's how they're going to get away with adding "cloning" into the Resident Evil storyline and probably how they're going to justify bringing Wesker back into it.  Although, I already told them how they could logically bring Wesker back nearly two years ago! But no one listens and we all know, it's going to be, "Oh well we cloned Wesker and that's why he's back!"  I swear, if they do that I will go nuts.  I mean positively 100% bat crap crazy, completely off my rocker nuts!  And there will be no rock big enough for the Resident Evil 7 team to hide under that will keep me from going on a choking spree when I find them!

And once again, who do I feel bad for?  SHINJI!  Poor Shinji!  I swear to God, I know every time he hears something about his baby being forced at gunpoint to lap dance for scary old men, he must cringe or scream into a pillow somewhere.  But when he left Crapcom, they bound him to a clause stating he can NEVER say anything negative about Crapcom or Resident Evil.  That's ok Shinji sweetie I'll say it for you.  Capcom you SUCK and you fail at life and all its many promises!

One thing Crapcom has been right about though, their slogan for Resident Evil has been "No Hope Left".  Yeah, y'all ain't lyin, because if you're braking Alice out for a game, you know you're completely bereft of ideas!

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