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My 2nd Open Letter to the HOA

Dear Live Oak Preserve Homeowners Association (which you can't spell Association without Ass which is way nicer way of calling you what you are),

When Jose and I moved into this fascicle chump stain you call a subdivision, I was naive as to what a REAL subdivision is supposed to be.  Our neighbors just one light up Bruce B Downs, Meadow Pointe.  They have BIG community gatherings, a daycare center, and I do believe three clubhouses.  Way up the block, at Seven Oaks, they too have big community gatherings, their own monthly magazine, and free daycare.  But let us come out of Pasco County, and go to Cory Lake, they have a hockey rink, several playgrounds, and a pool that a resort would be envious of, and a summer camp.  Same thing with Grand Hampton, they have a summer camp to and very impressive grounds.

Which brings me to you!  You have NOTHING!  Again, your so-called amenities are pathetic!  Your put-put course is a joke, get a real golf course!  Your lame playground can suck a clappy wang!  The pool is the only thing you have that is remotely decent!  The rest is a mess, yet you have the audacity to THREATEN us with a FINE for you stupid arbitrary rules.  So we found a solution, which involved parking Belle's car rather creatively car at night, which you bastards better not even say anything about that!  And we mowed the lawn.

But if I hear from you dried soulless husks of stagnate flesh again, I will formally declare war, which will mean Gnome City will sprout up on my lawn.  I'll get the brightest tackiest lawn furniture to put on the front porch.  Perhaps I'll also put a full fledged garden in the front lawn (which the state just upheld a court case here in Florida that a couple could do that!)  So don't try me bitches!



P.S. I hope you enjoy the condescending email Jose sent.  If you get one from me, it won't be so nice!

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