Are you gone??? No. I can hang out for a bit longer...
*Hums a tune*
Ok, you should be gone by now.
So, yeah, everyone is in a clamor about that 50 Shades of Gray nonsense movie that will be out next week and for me it's just like, here we go again. Have we learned nothing from that Secretary movie that came out about 10 years ago?! Apparently not, but let me break down my disdain for you.
All throughout my 20's I was heavily involved with the BDSM community. My role within that world is of the submissive. I find that I respond better to commands than suggestions and I always say, I can never not obey a direct order. However, you don't just fall out of bed one day and decide, "Hey, I'm going to be a part of the BDSM community." The process under which I got into the BDSM community was kinda gradual. Firstly, I had to understand that I was comfortable and enjoyed my role as a submissive. Then I discover that there was a whole world of people that were into BDSM and figure out how I was going to connect to them. And I found this out through reading an erotic novel, The Darker Passions of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. That one book, which I read in 3 days, was the catalyst for my journey into BDSM. However, it took some time and a little research, but I finally connected to others within the bondage community and it was great. I really felt like I belonged there and still do feel that way. I spoke with other "Doms", "Dommes", and "submissive" about expectations, roles, and all kinds of things really. In general, everyone was so cool and supportive, grant it, there were a few pushy weasel guys, but you can find that anywhere and you learn to navigate through that stuff as much as you can.
All-in-all, I found that really great "Doms" want you to enjoy the experience and are patient and understanding with limits and fears. A really great Dom will talk to you about not just what he (or she if it's the case of having a Domme) wants and expects, but what you want and what you expect. They don't just hand you a piece of paper and say, you're going to do this now, so deal with it. What kind of boinkery is that?! Consent is not a piece of paper, it's a long discussion between two people.
It is my understanding that 50 Shades is just a string of tired clichés set to subpar written fanficiton. Personally, I've not read it. For two reasons, one, I glanced through it at the bookstore a few times and each time I did, I found myself standing there going "Buwh?" Yeah, it's not the best thing ever written and the sexy parts were kinda boring. Plus I've been mega spoiled by the love that is Amarantha Knight's writing. Her writing is so vivid and expressive. You could practically feel every crack of a whip or paddle. OH! I still love you Amarantha!!! Once you go Knight, you know it's alright. The other reason I did not read it, is my own personal bias when it comes to overly hyped things. I mean when the women at the women's club were all gushing over it like a couple of school girls, I knew it was time to wrap it up then. But I did take the time to research the book and those who were into bondage discipline sadomaschism (BDSM) hated it. They all said the same thing. 50 Shades is NOT real BDSM and not even a good book. You want a good book that's more honest about BDSM, go read The Story of O.
Side note: I tried to read The Story of O on several occasions and I can't get through it. I don't know what it is about The Story of O, but I've tried multiple times to get through it and I can only read up to chapter 3 before I abandon ship. But it is kinda the required reading for entry level BDSM people. And no if you don't want to read it you don't have to, but it's usually what real BDSM people will suggest when getting into the kink lifestyle.
However, one of the things that really annoys me about 50 Shades is the fact that the guy is into this stuff because he is has been both subjugated and abused, so enter this virgin chick to "cure"/ "save" him from himself. Listen, I don't care what kind of relationship you're in, but if you're only in it to "change" someone, then you really shouldn't be in that relationship to start with. You really should be a relationship if you like that person and like what they are about, not wanting to fix a problem or character flaw. Relationships of ALL persuasions are about people growing together, not, you suck so let me fix you. Uh, I'm not a leaky faucet, I don't need fixing thank you. Insert eye roll...
Also, why does dude have to have a dark past. None of the Doms I've know have ever had a drug addicted mother or had been raped as a 15 year old boy. Or in the case of The Secretary, their ex-wife did not respect them (or in the case of the female of that story, they're cutting themselves, thus hinting going from self-abuse to a different kind of abuse). Ugh, get wit me! Any of the guys who were my Doms were all men who were regular, everyday, would have probably never known they were into that stuff, "normal" men. *Gasp!* A person with a "normal" background into this stuff? That can't possibly be true. Well, I hate to burst your clichéd bubble, but it is true, so deal with it.
Why is it when it comes to the kink lifestyle people assume that those involved must be broken, damaged, or otherwise tortured psychologically individuals? Just because I enjoy being tied up, blindfolded, and flogged doesn't mean that I'm psychologically damaged, it just means that I want a little extra spice in my foreplay. Oh and for the record, bondage doesn't always have to lead to sex. Some people don't want intercourse, just the... I guess foreplay, but not all sessions lead to sex. Do sessions lead to sex with I'm involved...? Well, I could tell you, but that goes into the TMI portion and I'm trying to keep this as above board as I can for already such a dicey topic- so I'm pleading the 5th on this question.
Funny thing though, Jose said he didn't understand why this movie was such a big deal and I told him that most people have very boring and uninteresting sex lives and this is a way for them to live vicariously through others. According to something I read recently, the average married couple has sex between 109 and 112 times a year, which is just a crazy number to me. And not crazy high, crazy low! I guess that's why people get so amped up about Valentine's Day. It's the one day of the year where if you are in a couple, sex is a given. Even now, I could care less about Valentine’s day. Just tell and show me you love me on Guy Fawkes Day (November 5th write it down!) and I'm good.
Side note 2... I was going to put a side note in here. In fact I even had it written down, but I chickened out on leaving it here.
Getting back on topic. I had told Jose that people, especially women are not taught to embrace their bodies let alone their sexuality. And to do so makes you a "slut" or "whore". And again, because people lead such uninteresting love lives they have to read and go to things like this in order to express their wild side. But a BDSM relationship isn't everyone's cup of tea. I even find some aspects of BDSM a little weird, like TPE (Total Power Exchange) relationships. Yeah I can do that for a short time, but then my personality will come out and the TPE thing goes out the window. But this kind of stuff isn't for everyone, but how will you ever know if you are afraid to be open about your sexuality? And I don't me sexuality in term of what gender you find attractive. I mean the whole package of what you like to do, where you like to be kissed, where and how you like to be touched and so on.
Maybe this movie will get people to open up about that stuff, but I doubt it. As long as we keep the tired clichés of, "Oh if these people are into this, then they must have some kind of dark past or psychological problem", then it will just be yet another random phase of people improperly testing the waters and getting completely wrong!