Today was a typical July day. I was dicking around watching one of the people I'm subscribed to, Joe Santagato talking about books you had to read. The books were all pretty weird books, something about lesbian equestrian stories or something like that, baby's first boob job was another odd one, then the book of, and I quote, "things you shouldn't masturbate to". But by far the strangest of them all was, and I swear I'm not making this up, "Domald Tromp Pounded In The Butt By The Handsome Russian T-Rex Who Also Peed On His Butt And Then Blackmailed Him With The Videos Of His Butt Getting Peed On".
Yes, this is the title of ONE book. And this one book is written by Chuck Tingle... Oh my fault, Dr. Chuck Tingle.
Oh Dr. Tingle... Whatever shall we do with you?
So upon hearing this long ass title, I literally fell down laughing and had tears streaming from my eyes. It took me awhile to get my life together, because Joe Santagato read a few more book titles and each one had me in tears dying. But it goes far beyond "Living Inside My Own Butt For Eight Years, Starting A Business And Turning A Profit Through Common Sense Reinvestment And Strategic Targeted Marketing" (again another real long ass title- also one that was mentioned by Santagato), there are other gems he didn't mention like, "Dinosaur Magicians Pinn And Tucker Make Their Wieners Disappear In My Butt", "Slammed In The Butt By The Prehistoric Megalodon Shark Amid Accusations Of Jumping Over Him", "Slammed By My Handsome Fidget Spinner", and lastly, "Slammed Up The Butt By My Hot Coffee Boss".
Okay the reason why I didn't post a link to the last one is because they had an excerpt and it is completely off the rails!
What is happening?! I'm asking rather seriously, what the fuck is happening?!
Ok, I can see being tall, but for openers it's wearing a tie? Where the fuck did a mug of sentient coffee go to buy a tie for itself? Who was the store clerk behind this sale?! Where and how did it get the money?! And where did he find a tie that would fit it?! Then how does the guy know the coffee is a guy? "Sporting a large muscular handle"? Is it because of the handle, because that doesn't really necessarily mean it's a male mug of coffee. And isn't anyone concerned about third degree burns? I mean it clearly says he is "a massive piping-hot cup of coffee". What happens when the "passion" boils over, someone is going to get hurt and that someone would be the human. And speaking of which, how does one have sexual relations with a six-and-a-half-foot cup of piping hot coffee? I can't imagine how that could possibly work. I would see the coffee being a serial killer than a sex partner. I think that would make a more compelling story.
But yeah... I may have to buy and read at least one of these deranged tales of either inner-species or inanimate object sexual relationships. But I think there's something profoundly wrong and weird about these stories, but since I'm half way down this insane rabbit hole, I may as well complete my terrifying decent.